2003 UB313 space colonization. posted on 19 May 2006 by Kirk WE FOUND THE 10TH PLANET! that's right. space is fuckin' huge. the aliens are always coming and heaven is too far away. it also seems a rare species of west african monkeys can 'string words together' to communicate individually specific instructions with other monkeys. go figure.

chuck cross and the mighty microwave laser. posted on 11 May 2006 by Kirk for all of you cats who thought we'd fallen off or aren't the band we used to be... may we give you a little teaser of what to expect from us on the rapidly approaching stampeding machines tour. (and for the die-hards, let your excitement begin...) fall of george mallory why we fight orphans epilogue work lies sex love fear hate friendship snicker manifesto apparition recondition reprogram reactivate cut the strings a conversation with the devil the dragon of pendor you stole my story theatre guilt engine your only escape speaker for the dead the loosing of the shadow a mind of metal and wheels fable shhhhhhh! i am listening to reason badlands just like heaven and a few slammin' new joints. expect the unexpected.

why would i pull out your teeth stan? posted on 04 Apr 2006 by Kirk milwaukee gives me the creeps. the avalon hotel. hitlers north american headquarters. buckcherry and eating taco bell with crackheads, but like ghostface said i gotta 'be nice to the crackheads' my how tour distorts the comforts of home into a big bad frightening acid trip. full of guns, wackos and natural disasters. i need the mountains, lakes, trees and clean air of the northwest. the kids still give me hope and the cee-lo gods have been good to me as of late. less than three weeks...

a pox on ye phony kings posted on 30 Mar 2006 by Kirk first off. hanging out with gatsby is like nursing the dysentery ward of a pre-penicilin battle. we are disturbingly ill. personally i feel like a budweiser clydesdale just kicked the crap out of me. rudy is a walking bio-hazard, ryan caught the black lung and kyle has this tiny growth on his stomach, i don't think he's sick it's just really fucking weird. our brothers and sisters in denver were gracious enough to keep it movin' while we nearly all lost our chipotle on stage. much gratitude. as always wherever the road takes us we seem to attract the most gnarley weather and lawrence, kansas is no exception with it's massive thunder claps outside the hotel to the tornado warnings flashing on the television screen. in even fucking wackier hands of fate! apparently nic and ryan spotted KRS-one staying at the hotel next door, if billy were here he'd be over there trying to smell him, i just want him to sign my copy of criminal minded. until the apocalypse, we have to go back in time to destroy the man and the virus.

you are always on my mind...CEE-LO! posted on 11 Mar 2006 by Kirk well well well... it has been a mighty long time since any of us have even dared give you an update from the wonderful, but un-used tour journal. we haven't been distant on purpose. our enthusiasm is all well and at an all time high. we've just been slaving away on a new record which, yes folks, is done. we've all come to an agreement that this is our best record yet. definately grimy it is and will draw a thin line between the men and the vermin. if you think we were going to wait to get the songs in our heads onto tape, kyle says: " 12 albums, 8 years, 62' to 70' " keep your ear to the streets... now to the present. the well-oiled machine is marching across the prarie again and we've still got another 34 shows in 41 days. we braced the cold in the northeast and our mood was lightened when we hit the hospitable and frightenlingly creepy south. the newest member to the entourage, brandt our furry merch man and sound duder, nearly got kyle and i shot in memphis when he exclaimed "hey that lady has a gun!" directly at the lady with the gun. in other dangerous news, we've all become infected with the fever of hardcore dice tumbling. 4 - 5 - 6 kyle has taken it the hardest, we're not sure his little body can take the excruciatin pain of losing "one-hundred or so..." dollars on an every-other-night basis. our tour mates are all fabulous. screaming for babies is better than eating babies. the volcano is always erupting. our comrade and tour manager billy has ventured off to spend some time shooting a film for fear before the march of flames and will surely be missed. get ready when we bring along our friends horse the band, portugal. the man, furgive durden, waking ashland, and my american heart for the magic carpet ride that will be 'the stampeding machines tour' the dallas air is pleasantly muggy and cartel is wrapping up their set, so we must be the privelege to the corpse! hurrah friends! shalom! we will see you on the side of the parade. more photos soon...

move to bremerton. posted on 24 Jan 2006 by Kirk that shit was insane. thank you.

say what? posted on 09 Dec 2005 by Kirk mike kaminsky. we know you're white and jewish, but that's no excuse...so are the beastie boys. but even an ounce of soul in you isn't a bad thing my man. go pick up 'paid in full' by eric b and rakim. how dare you.

Uhmmm.. posted on 05 Dec 2005 by Mike K Kirk, you like Limp Bizkit???

the white mountains posted on 04 Dec 2005 by Kirk it has been one crazy year for us with an even crazier ending. first, allow us to thank any of you out there who gave us a hand or pat on the back in our most hectic year since we began this dang old rock group. we're sure most of you caught us at our most frantic states of mind, but we thank you for the shiznit. wow. hey dudes in band a quick reminder, especially to dave shapiro... don't make us drive from boston to seattle in the dead cold of winter. we've experienced some nutty weather in our time, but nothing compared to what the locals of plinkinton south dakota, a town of 610 people, refer to as 'blizzard armageddon 06' we're talking 50 mile an hour winds 10 degree temperatures, multiple feet of snow, no electricity and lots of men with trucks and guns. kyle got so cold he started hallucinating and since he's been reading the chronicles of narnia, rudy and bobby morphed into a centaur, billy became the ice queen and nic turned into that weird half goat-man thing. we were evacuated from our hotel at the crack of dawn only to be taken to the local 'superdome'. a shelter set up with power from a giant gas generator and a room full of old people and babies. that's probably why it smelled just like old people and babies. except then they served us oatmeal and wet scrambled eggs, then it smelled like old people, babies, oatmeal and wet scrambled eggs. finally at one o'clock the plankinton mayor announced that interstate 90 would be re-opening and we'd soon be leaving. so alas, we've made it home to our native seattle. thank the heavens. we're in need of some major 'down time' with our loved ones and families but don't fret there will be lots of shit to talk about soon. until then, like my favorite rapper used to say 'check out my melody'.

strange brew and strange birds posted on 11 Oct 2005 by Kirk greetings from the southern tip of the globe. kyle and i spent yesterday in a deep tea wonderment as we set our sails for the south pole to march with the penguins, jurtuna dreamily flowing behind me as our soundtrack. nature is absolutely astounding. the instincts and behaivors that have been keeping animals and plants in harmony for millions of years are fascinating. with so many tragic natural disasters, seemingly endless around every corner, i've felt a strong sense of unrest with mother nature. although i could be over-reacting seeing as though earthquakes, floods, hurricanes etc. have been happening for hundreds of millions of years, i can't blindly ignore the fact that the eb and flow of the earth is somehow being wildly thrown out of balance, with rather devastating results, by the notion that humans are the earth's superior animal. for if we are surely a chosen people, then why haven't we used our superior intellect and and talents to be a sort of brothers keeper to the world around us? i don't know. just some shit that's been racking the old gatsby brain as of late. but another day and another show. we'll have played over 200-something shows by the end of the year. it's been a wild ride of a year and we really owe it to all of you and everyone else who has supported us in some way. if there was a way to say thank you by making you breakfast, we would, but some of us can't cook that well and frankly, there's just no way we've got enough pancake batter. a many thanks to you all.

vernon c. patterson posted on 07 Oct 2005 by Kirk hello from minneapolis, minnesota. where we've heard that your shit freezes before it hits the ground. how quickly the seasons have changed, a week ago we were beating heat in dallas and now we can't go outside for more than 5 minutes or arthritis sets in deep in our bones. we're stokeed to have bobby back, from a short hiatus, which is great because he's been at home working the underground rap circuit and is close to giving gym class heroes a run for their money. or so we've heard...

durka durka durka: future defensive attorney posted on 30 Sep 2005 by Mike K don't mess with texas. god, we hate that fucking state.

watch out cause we droppin some shit posted on 17 Sep 2005 by Kirk word up. day 2 of the 'grab your guns' tour is officially here. we're in memphis where the king died on a latrine and on the way into town you can stop by loretta lynn's tennessee ranch. it's terribly hot here, so hot in fact, billy took his shirt off while he loaded merch. unfortunately, none of us witnessed the 'northern exposure' as we're dubbing it, but billy swears he'll put out a myspace bulletin giving everyone a heads up before it happens again. but i'm out to bare witness to gym class heroes, as cities burn and those emery fellers. see you along the dusty trail.

the exorcism of kyle o'quin. posted on 10 Sep 2005 by Kirk we've begun round 1 of our hectic fall and winter tour schedule with a nice 27 hour drive to madison wisconsin, home of the fighting badgers. by the way...if you were wondering if south dakota is still as mundane and as desolate as being alone watching corn grow through pavement cracks, we can answer with one big mighty "HELL YEAH!". bobby was so hungry through the windy night that he almost ate rudy. we've also added a 6th comrade to the gatsby camp, his name is kyle. he is jewish, quarter italian and a wee bit irish, but plays one hell of a mean set of 88 keys, black half steps included. we all here are CONFIDENT you'll be hearing more on this character as our journey continues. see you when we see you.

follow me to the emerald city. posted on 26 Aug 2005 by Kirk seattle is one of the, if not the most beautiful place on earth. tomorrow we play tacoma washington, which is one of the, if not the most disgusting, stench-ridden, shit hole cities in america, quite possibly explaining why botch was so good. i don't have internet access at my place here cause i am just too damn poor and technology will eventually be human-kind's doom, so thank god for friends with day jobs. but before i leave home i am planning on attending the medievil fare next week in the university-district where my comrade oliver will be dressed as the black plague. i will surely be bummed to leave this glorious green utopia in the coming days. my friends, behind us the jungle, ahead of us the secret.

that's all she wrote posted on 12 Aug 2005 by Kirk well, finally...here we are at the end of the road. since february we've put over 109,000 miles on the van and managed to also give the old tin can an odor so unique, musty and outright vile that it made dave shapiro vurp. we finally washed our clothes, other than billy who forgot about that 24oz tall can that had been buried and exploded in his duffel bag. his clothes smell like a dirty drunkard. i drove into the joshua tree national park this morning and watched the sun rise over a giant t-rex. oh yeah and by the way billy is ranting and raving over 'must love dogs' and reports that john cusack has the feelgood role of the year.

if interpol asks, we didn't see anything. posted on 05 Aug 2005 by Kirk we are living in some wild times. billy, nic and bobby have been turned into believers upon their first UFO encounter 125 miles outside of bakersfield. ironically, the same three witnesses are also confessed addicts to state lottery scratch tickets. if you're wondering where the other two of us stand, rudy was too tired for the experience and i believe it was a sign from the fourth dimension, but i'll believe a whole lot of shit.

b is for beyond tired. posted on 31 Jul 2005 by Kirk boston. another city and another day. it was at this moment while on the rooftops of the city this night that i realized just how much we've become a euphoric group of broken down men. my body and nutrition has never taken so much abuse than it has over these last few months of touring, but i can't remember a time i've ever felt so content with just being. two more days with our comrades action action, spitalfield and waking ashland then we set our sails for the golden shores of san diego.

ATTN: KIRK posted on 30 Jul 2005 by Mike K Stop being an anti-Semite. Jews aren't automatically creepy. But man, that Shapiro...

the brotherhood of the snake posted on 29 Jul 2005 by Kirk long island has been fabulous once again. dan leonardi and the whole leonardi family are champions. our new trailer mysteriously had the same shit go wrong with it that happened to our old trailer only weeks before. there are some evil little gnomes at work. more to come as we treach through the serene land of new jersey.

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